Lrt’s just think of it like a form of processing failure. Because, let’s face with it, it is just what it is -a failure. A big, big failure. All my road cycling stuff. Even when it served the original purpose very well.
Originally as I can recall,
it was about my curiousity, how different creating content looks like when it’s about a bit more popular content than my usual topics.
Highbrow literature and historical fiction. More precisely that little segment of storytelling where high brow literature and historical fiction meets. Not the most popular topic in the world, isn’t it? Not even in the Hungarian culture, where literature classes are basically about to raise half-cultivated snobby, elitist non-reader. (It’s funny how mostly those people are judgemental towards me about how dare I, a liteary critic, read anything els than highbrow literature, who don’t read anything, but have strong opinion about what a “professional reader” should read.)
So I was thinking about what it looks like blogging about sport for example. And road cycling was a topic I could write easily about, because in those days I really loved it.
And I have really learn a lot about creating online content, about search engine optimalisation, even how not to fall into the trap of the illusion what social media gives you about its own importance (I started reducing my social media presence to the absolute neccessary level as a content creator who focusing in her website content way before it was trendy keeping social media detox periods)
Also, I’ve learned a lot about myself, especially in the most recent time, when I started seriously facing my failures related my road cxcling projects.
So, yes I have a lot of experience in this field. Unfortunatelly these experiences are rather negative than positive ones. And I’m really not a pessimistic person, really not. And yet, I see no positivity (except the fact of gaining experience) in this.
The other reason why I just basically shitposting almost every day about how to say good bye tto my biggest failure (I feel now so, that’s it bigger than my attempt to find my place in the Hungarian literary world), because in the era of AI generated content or artificiall, composed texted this is something real human.
Expressing raw rage frustration, anger, desperation, also, depicting the constant change of emotional-influenced self-interpretation, that something will remain always deeply human.
And not to forget, that I’m still (and obviously always will be) in the middle of improving my English skills. And this form of not thinking too much about how to express myself, just writing almost automatically, is a good way to see how easy and natural my relation to this foreign language became. Even if for an outsider it looks a step backward, I think I’m making day by day a huge step forward. Being able to say/write understandable sentences in a sort of unconscious way is a good sign that I’m on a level I can be proud of it.