I suppose, I have to consider myself extremely lucky having the opportunity to take a step (a quite huge one) back and retire to countryside for a few years to prepare for my next big move in my life. To be fair, this time period of my life partially overlapsed the pandemic years, but it has started a bit earlier when I decided to focus my international business opportunities instead the ones inside the Hungarian market.
For almost two decades I was trapped in the idea that because I intend to enterprise in the field of culture, art, especially literature and storytelling, I can’t do this outside the world of the Hungarian language, therefore, businesswise, I must try my luck in Hungary.
Trying to create a small but successful business in a community, which extremely hostile towards any kind of business activities was the ultimate receipt for failure that almost cost me my life. I’ve developed several mental health issues, includig excessive drinking, and when I left Budapest and moved to my childhood place in July 2018, I was on the brink of a serious mental breakdown.
I had no other choise but take a few steps back and try to figure out what went so terribly wrong.
Luckily I failed only with my own projects, while our family businesses, led by my mother ( with my co-ownership) were still working properly, even during the pandemic years, and as during all in my life, it served as a safety net. I didn’t have to worry about my tomorrow. I was free to think about the wider picture.
I’m pretty sure, most of the people know that state of mind, when you’re failing something and your respond is doubleing down. Did I fail with my plans to become a successful cultural entrepreneur in Budapest? Let’s try it again, but this time globally.
And this time I will be prepared properly.
For being a woman slightly on the autism spectrum, preparation means something totally different than the majority of people would think. It’s not about exact business plans or knowing the numbers. But about preparing myself for the challenges mentally, way before I would step into the spotlight.
It migh seem according what I mentioned earlier, that I accuse solemly the hostile environment of a certain group of people towards market economy for my failure. I’m completely aware of that my autism spectrum disorder too caused many problems. In fact, the way, how I did (not) handle certain situations proved what I’ve always assumed, that I’m neurodiverse.(This post and all the similar ones are also important signs. I can’t help, but acting always a bit weirdly, while desperately trying to explain why I’m acting weirdly, what makes all this stuff even more weirdly.)
Because all in my life I have felt more comfortable with the written words as form of communication, thus writing texts,
expressing my toughts and showcasing my knowledge in certain fields in written forms will be always an integral part of any of my business ideas.
Back in the previous decade I used to write book reviews and other literary articles in the most renowned literary magazines and even in a bestselling daily newspaper frequently. You may sometimes bump into posts or other stuff where I refer to myself as literary critic or literary scholar. Yes, that activity is also part of my life. Also, I’m creating blogs since the mid-2000. Actually, I really like starting blogs, like I used to like starting to write into a new notebook in my childhood.
I usually used to start blog, or as I prefer to say, online project about bookish stuff or films and tv series (about historical fictions/period dramas, of coursey, as always and forever), but my most successful online project was the TOURázzunk együtt (Let’s follow the Tour together) about road cycling. The content of this blog later has become the basic material of my first book Változások kora (Time of Changes) about the most important challenges of elit road races during the mid-2010. (Nowadays it seem a bit outdated, I guess I should write a second version about the latest develompents in the world of road cycling races.)
But my concerns are, of course, that my English writing skills will never be on that level I’m capable to express myself in my mother tongue. During the recent few years online projects like PelotonTales (about road cycling) and in a certain way even the Trapped in the 18th century served as usefull playground for improving my English. Short post about some fun facts or famous events happened on certain days are easy stuff, there is litte place to make big mistakes that can cost your reputations.
But when it came to my main topics, the themes are really mean a lot to me, I was reluctant to share any post, although the subdomains here on my “official” website for the projects My 21st century and the very simply named History and fiction I’ve prepared years ago.
I’ve kept saying it’s just not enough good. It still doesn’t show why I think I’m good (very good) at this.
The time of preparation must end.
It can’t go that way forever, only just waiting and waiting for the moment I would be satified with my writing skills in a foreign language. I have to take the risk.
After all, what kind of entrepreneur would I be, if I would never take risk?7